I sat by the open window, mesmerized by the fading sunlight. The soft breeze danced playfully on my face and I closed my eyes, taking it all in. My life is filled with insanity, literally. I don’t understand it myself at times. Then again it did just happen; I would need time to adjust to the situation. At least that’s what the doctors were saying. They’ve also been calling me psychotic and who could blame them? Is it my fault I wake up screaming, sweat cascading down my face at night? While I could just blame the medication for my nightmares I know it’s not the truth, and they know it too. No use lying to the shrinks. They are the ones with the PHDs after all. They’d figure it out soon enough. Even though I’m frightened of the night, and I deviate from the drugs they force into me, I don’t feel that psychotic is the correct word for my condition. In fact, I could think of plenty of words for the way I feel now but psychotic is not one of them. Abandoned, that’s a good word. Apprehensive I feel is probably the best word to fit the situation. It’s not as if I killed all those people. I’m not the one who made them suffer; scream until their lives were gone. I didn’t even want to go on that excursion to the mountains. I was dragged along with my friends. Well look where they are, and look at where I am now. I’m the one being treated like the psychopath while they’re all safe and cozy… in the morgue. Oh god that does sound psychopathic doesn’t it? That’s the reason they’ve kept me here, for my own safety. No one wants me to be them. What no one understands is that I don’t want to be them, I don’t know if I want to join them. I’m deserted now so I really wouldn’t care either way. I never wished for this to happen. It wasn’t as if I planned it. It was their idea, I blame them. Wait, no that’s a lie. I blame the cold, hard metal of that tractor trailer as it slammed into the bus. Is it my fault that I’m the only one who survived? No, definitely not. Then why is it I feel so guilty?
I wrote this for my Advanced Composition class. The assignment was to write a short story or essay without any adjective or adverbs. I added them back in for this entry because I thought it was better.